New Venue Hailed as a Success

It is not everyday that we get to inaugurate a new venue in the hallowed halls of Lincoln Old-School Wiffle. Many thought that five Wiffle venues spread across three towns were enough. (O.K only four active venues, Gap-Bridge, Hunter S. Thompson, the Friendly Confines, The lovely new Burnham field in Waltham - nicknamed the Ox Yard - and the now, sadly defunct, Twin Oaks) I, for one, still remember the ridicule and scorn heaped upon the wiffling world by a certain Lincoln writer, who shall not be named, in a Burlington Free Press article two years ago. I think Bojhalian (oops) is still in hiding after the commissioner issued a fatwa for his head on a platter. But I digress... It was with great pomp and circumstance that the expansion minded commissioner christened the newest venue in Lowball at the Lincoln Sports field. It was, no one should be surprised, an instant classic. Driven to solve the home field disadvantage conundrum, and with what undisclosed sources say was intense pressure from the WOW (Widows of Wiffle) lobby. The commissioner leapt into action fashioning the first portable field in Lowball history. Everyone agreed that for CCO (Collective Child Observation) games it was essential to establish a field in neutral territory. The benefits of the baseball diamond behind the fire house became immediately evident as pitchers began to toe the slab and bear down on hitters in what was an uncharacteristically low scoring game. Until the sixth inning that is. Tommy "Trot" Thompson increased his scoreless inning streak to six as his bounce back from his catastrophic ten run, five dinger inning begins to look more like an anomaly as it fades in the distance. He added to his impressive outing with two solid doubles and some other single base hits that show this veteran has come to play. Jon "Shoeless, West coast, Wingman, Howard" Howell (a.k.a. Wing sauce) continued his impressive season by throwing shut out ball and continuing to rap the ball soundly. The unit showed up for a few brief innings and managed to escape with only two walked in runs. Indeed it looked as if those unearned runs would be the only two in the game as The Surgeon and Lonichiro were shutting down the Loggers on the mound, but were not able to string together enough solid hitting to get anyone across the plate.
Then came the sixth. El Guapo, fueled by his smoldering rivalry with Lonichiro, called a conference on the mound, sending signals to his fielders about what was about to unfold. Unfortunately, unable to read his complex system of signals, his fielders missed some bleeders up the third base line, which coupled with a walk or two left the Handsome one in a bases loaded pickle. When El Guapo left one hanging right in the wheel house of the unpredictable Lonichiro, there was nothing he could do but watch it sail over the yellow tape. After the game El Guapo's translators seemed a little stymied about how to translate what he'd said to the media in a way that could be repeated on air saying only, "He said it was a good pitch, only except he hit it." The rivalry continues...
Kudos to the commissioner on an exceptional addition to the hallowed lowball tradition.