El Guapo's Third Testicle Removed

SCARSDALE NY -- In an unconfirmed report from the associated press, the personal physician for wiffleball superstar Michael "El Guapo" Moriarty, Dr. Richard Chop, has had his licence suspended and is under investigation for malpractice, adding another layer of intrigue and controversy to the issues swirling around the troubled slugger. At the start of the season the storied El Guapo underwent a routine elective surgical procedure, the timing of which was questioned by many in the media, "Why wait until opening day to get a vasectomy?" This legitimate query went unanswered by the handsome one's press agent. This media blackout led to much speculation about what was really happening in those famed undergarments. Many suspected a penis enlargement, a common procedure among wifflers, but in a bizarre twist of events it has been revealed that a third testicle was added during the vasectomy, apparently in an attempt by the slugger to increase the level of testosterone in his body. The operation appears to have worked, but the effects of the increased "man juice" appear to have made the superstar irritable and prone to violent mood swings. The desired effects of the procedure, increased hitting power and muscle mass, appear not to have materialized. In an unprecedented statement by his agent it was revealed that Guapo was undergoing procedures at the Wifflearium to have the third testicle, and a great deal of unwanted body hair, removed. "This brings to a close an unpleasant chapter in the controversial goings on of this season" the Commisioner said in a brief statement. "As Lowball is an all inclusive league as far as substances go, the increased testosterone would not have constituted a violation of the rules. Apparently El Guapo wasn't aware that you could get a prescription for that kind of thing." He went on to state that he would like to put this whole sordid incident behind him and get on with the more pressing matter of investigating the proliferation of corked bats.